He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
