girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
