i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
