no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
