What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
