I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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