I think I died a long time ago.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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