I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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