Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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