IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
