Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
