I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize