Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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