Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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