If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
