The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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