he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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