Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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