idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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