I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Boobs speak an international language.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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