the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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