Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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