Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
