she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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