things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
