If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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