i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i came on her dog
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
