I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
