All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
