She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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