You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
