she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
