did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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