do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this boner is exhausting
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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