I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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