my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
