I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
