i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
