i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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