Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
