I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
