You can't motorboat a personality
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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