he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
