no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The uberlube is also flammable
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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