I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
