I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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