i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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