Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
