I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
