he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
