yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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