I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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