one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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