Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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