on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
