Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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