Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
