Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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