Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
