Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The power of my boobs compel you
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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