Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
